she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
