is your mom at the bar?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
