Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
