ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
