why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
