Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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