I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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