If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
