He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We have started to decorate penises.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
