take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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