Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
