I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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