I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
