And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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