after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
