I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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