the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
