why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
