How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
