she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
