Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
