I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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