The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
even my farts smell like vagina
my shit smells like andre
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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