Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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