You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize