I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
