Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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