I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
