I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
