Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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