Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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