there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
