worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
