I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
