I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
