i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
