My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
