therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
