What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
