i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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