What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
