She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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