I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize