I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
this hospital has no fireball
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
