I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Randomize
