Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
