he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
