You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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