am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
