I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
