Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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