3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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