Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
