what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Did I show you my penis last night?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
