I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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