She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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