to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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