My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
