I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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