so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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