got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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