forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm really busy with my period
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