also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
