Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
