im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
White coat. Heels.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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