In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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