He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
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