hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
