Sorry, I don't speak sober.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
