i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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